Now these are funny…
1) your favorite pickup line is, “What’s your favorite augmented sixth chord?”
2) your second favorite pickup line is, “Would you like to raise my leading tone?”
3) you have ever told a joke with a punchline of: because it was polyphonic!
4) you only sing tunes that make good fugal subjects.
5) you dream in four parts.
6) those “parasitic” dissonances make you queasy, especially when left unresolved.
7) you can look at a piece by Bach and say, “You know, I think he could have gotten a better effect this way . …”
8) you can answer your phone with a tonal or a real answer.
9) you like to deceive your friends and loved ones with deceptive cadences.
10) you only drink fifths, and then you laugh at the pun.
11) you feel the need to end Tchaikovsky’s Pathetique Symphony with a picardy third.
12) instead of counting sheep, you count sequences.
13) you find free counterpoint too liberal.
14) you wonder what a Danish sixth would sound like.
15) the Corelli Clash gives you goosebumps.
16) you have ever quoted Walter Piston.
17) you can hear an enharmonic modulation coming a mile away.
18) you like to march to the rhythms of Stravinsky’s “Le Sacre du printemps.”
19) your license plate says: T351.
20) you have ever tried to do a Schenkerian analysis on “Three Blind Mice.”
21) you have ever tried to do a Schenkerian analysis on John Cage’s 4’33”.
22) you have ever pondered on what an augmented seventh chord would sound like.
23) bass motion by ascending thirds or a sequential pattern with roots in ascending fifths immediately strikes you as “belabored.”
24) you lament the decline of serialism.
25) you know what the ninth overtone of the harmonic series is off the top of your head.
26) you can name ten of Palestrina’s contemporaries.
27) you enjoy the tang of a tritone whenever you can.
28) you have ever found a typographical error in a score by Berio, Stockhausen, or Boulez.
29) you have ever heard a wrong note in a performance of a composition by Berio, Stockhausen, or Boulez.
30) you have ever played through your music as if the fingering markings were figured bass symbols.
31) when you’re feeling prankish, you will transpose Mozart arias to locrian mode.
32) you keep a notebook of useful diminutions.
33) you have composed variations on a theme by Anton Webern.
34) you have trained your dog to jump through a flaming circle of fifths.
35) you have ever used the word “fortspinnung” in polite conversation.
36) you suspiciously check all the music you hear for dangling sevenths.
37) you feel cheated by evaded cadences.
38) you liked differential calculus because it reminded you of set theory.
39) every now and then you like to kick back and play something in hypophrygian mode.
40) you wonder why there aren’t more types of seventh chords.
41) you wish you had twelve fingers.
42) you like polytonal music because, hey, the more keys the merrier.
43) you abbreviate your shopping list using figured bass.
44) you always make sure to invert your counterpoint, just in case.
45) you know dirty acronyms for the order of sharps.
46) you consider all music written between 1750 and 1920 to be “rather elementary.”
47) you memorize dates and times by what they would sound like in set theory.
48) you can not only identify any one of Bach’s 371 Harmonized Chorales by ear, but you also know what age it is on in the Riemenschneider edition and how many suspensions it has in the first seven bars.
49) you long for the good old days of movable G-clefs.
50) you got more than half of the jokes in this list.